STONE COLD (1991)
R
92 Minutes
Director: Craig R. Baxley
Writer: Walter Doniger
CAST
Brian Bosworth... John Stone
Lance Henriksen... Chains Cooper
William Forsythe... Ice
Arabella Holzbog...Nancy
Sam McMurray... Lance
I know you wish you could be me
Cuz when I ride my hog the girls get freaky
They hear us comin from a mile away
We hella clean; we ridin in style today
-Too $hort, HOG RIDIN
WHO'S THE BOZ?
With football season upon us, I think I have an excuse to review STONE COLD. There are so many former football players who made a successful transition into the world of acting. Terry Bradshaw was in that Matthew McConaughey movie. Also, there's Dan Marino in ACE VENTURA. And let's not forget about LL Cool J. After a career ending injury, when he played for the Raiders. LL became a nanny for a single mom...No, wait, that was a TV show.
Brian Bosworth was a linebacker for the Seattle Seahawks in the late 80s. Until Johnny Manziel came around, 'The Boz', was the most obnoxious athlete to have ever existed. Bosworth, after three seasons, tried taking his talents to the field of acting. On his first film, Brian leaves us with one hell of a movie.
Joe Huff is a police officer like no other. He plays by his own rules. So it's a big surprise, when he gets suspended, after shooting a bunch of criminals down in a grocery store. (yes, that does sound like the beginning of COBRA). To get his old job back as a police officer, Joe is forced to work for the FBI. Which involves infiltrating an all-powerful, southern biker gang.
Sam McMurray is Joe's FBI partner. He's the Danny Glover of the partnership (sensible, uptight, and a complete square). I must say when Sam took this role, career-wise, things were going swimmingly for him. A couple WHO'S THE BOSS episodes, and then STONE COLD. All in the same year.
SO BAD IT'S GOOD
This film only features motorcycle stunts, ass-kicking, and snide remarks ...which is all perfectly executed. This film is good, I'm talking ROADHOUSE-good.
If you're ever feeling bad about yourself, watch this movie on YouTube, perhaps while consuming a bottle of Boones Farm.
So in continuing with the football player-actor theme, next week I'll be reviewing FIRESTORM, with Howie Long. Only if I can get through the movie though. Keep your fingers crossed.
Final Verdict: 60 out of 100
Sidenote: I'm giving about 30 points extra credit here. I believe anyone who hates John Elway that much deserves some credit, even if they're in a bad movie.